Humor

I was going through a stack of old handwritten notes yesterday tossing what I no longer needed (which amounted to about 99% if what I had in the shoe-box) and found this scribbled on a old 3×5 card and thought it was project management relevant and worth saving.

“Although I can accept talking scarecrows, lions and great wizards of emerald cities, I find it hard to believe there is no paperwork involved when your house lands on a witch.”
— Dave James

To supplement The Paradigm 360 Estimating & Project Management Glossary found elsewhere on this site I posted this from:

The Real Dictionary of Construction Terminology

Contractor – A gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.

Bid Opening – A poker game in which the losing hand wins.

Bid – A wild guess carried out to two decimal places.

Low Bidder – A contractor who is wondering what he left out.

Engineer’s Estimate – The cost of construction in heaven.

Project Manager – The conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.

Critical Path Method – A management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.

OSHA – A protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney–usually applied at random with a shotgun.

Strike – An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

Delayed Payment – A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Completion Date – The point at which liquidated damages begin.

Liquidated Damages – A penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.

Auditor – Person who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.

Lawyer – Person who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.

The problem with this business is…

The Project As the Architect Designed It

The Project As the Estimator Bid It

The Project As Engineering Designed It

The Project As the Shop Built It

The Project As the Contractor Installed It

What the Customer Really Wanted

Adapted for Builders & Remodelers from an illustration found in the book
Visualizing
Project Management:
A Model for Business and Technical Success
by Kevin Forsberg, et al